The Big Move

Well, I still have yet to write about Bali, but I figure it's high time I update about the new move.  After my international adventures, I spent a week in Cincinnati, then came back here to get settled in.  I spent the first week unpacking and decorating and the second week doing finishing touches and getting ready for school.  Last Thursday James came down to visit.  It was wonderful to see him!  We had a lot of fun together and went to Ridgewood Thursday.  Friday I spent the whole day getting ready for my housewarming "party",  which was really just Rachel, Denise & Jenny coming over.  But it was really fun and they spent the night  Friday night.  Saturday morning I cleaned up then headed to Knoxville for Sarah Collins' wedding.  I spent the evening at Rachel & Denise's place and headed home that night.  One thing I've realized about moving alone to a town where I know no one is that although I crave interactions with my friends but I inevitably feel bad after said interactions.  On the drive from K-town to M-town I was so depressed I cried the whole way and obsessively kept calling Dustin to commiserate  with me.  This ended up backfiring, but the point is that I just felt so alone.  It's more difficult than I thought to live by myself.  I really miss coming home to loving, caring roommates.  Although I know they don't see each other as much as you would think living together, it makes a difference to know there's another living body that cares about you close by.  It's the little things, like leaving the light on, sharing meals or just little notes that let you know you're not alone in this world.  It's also worse for me because I don't know Morristown and I don't know anyone here except the IC staff.  Although I adore them,  I wish my weekend plans didn't consist of hanging out with people my parents' age and older.  I love hanging out with them, I just wish I had some peers as well.  This week has been substantially better because I've been busy at school most of the day.  I only have to be alone in the evenings, and it's nice to be able to leave my crap all over the living room and know I'm not inconveniencing anyone.  Also, Rachel & Denise have been taking turns calling me.  

I think a big part of the problem is that I'm afraid to move on.  I want to make friends here and form a life here, but I know that will change my relationships with my JBC friends.  I know that soon enough this will be "home"  and this is where my day- to -day friends will live.  I'll end up talking to my JBC friends more sporadically and although I know we'll always remain close, and up to date with the stuff of life, we will no longer be a part of one another's daily lives.  This makes me sad, but it also scares me.  It's tough not to live within walking distance of my 23 closest friends; it's tougher not to be in daily contact with them; and I can't imagine when I don't even think about them daily.  I realize this is being melodramatic- it sounds so even as I'm writing it.  But that's just how I feel.  Reading back over this post, I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I have done my fair share of that, but really I'm just trying to give a realistic picture of the move and how it's difficult for me.  I'm not sure how much sense this will make to anyone else, but at least I got it out there.